Suspension (3/1/2010)

The blasting rations;

the heaving piles of

"Mine is ...;"

the slippery slope of

"Not me;"

the ringing.

Slipping down into a trench dug years ago, filled and covered by dead leaves, and whispering, "Fuck."

An empty house, lived in by untrained misery, again.

The inkwell, and the pen. The closure, the justifications, the terms, the rationalizations, the settling, the settling, the settling.

The contents settle down into many layers. The thickest, the darkest, seethes and freezes on the bottom.

Another layer settles over that one. Another, another, all the way to the top, where undecided specks float about occasionally.

And once it's settled, it's settled. You can kick it back up again, but don't expect the layers to be so clear when you do.

Housesitting

I've got that feeling in my stomach, full and slightly burning, like I've just drunk orange juice, and my hair is growing longer by the day, and this couch is starting to talk to me with its dull and muffled voice. As I lay on the carpeted floor of this house I feel the softsharp bristles, and think back to effortlessness, to carefreedom. Although I once looked up at treetops and saw some clear, crisp freedom up there, I think now that freedom is down here. Pushing myself along and trudjing, my skirt hiked up and jealous, there's nothing I wouldn't do to be sure that I will remember that the grass is not greener, that the grass is just grass, that the other side is really just another side, and I'm tired of taking sides. Wary of the potholes but pleased to meet another day, I head out. My kittycat grin is why I love this road, love this road to roads to roads and roads.

Excerpts From Something

III.

Fish-step,
Gills laugh,
Though chokes on air.
Shining the scales
The mountain.
Hook, barb,
Pleads with
Whole body--
(Please?)--
Maybe.

IV.

Broken record

Stops when

You want.

Chair turns

Backwards, falls.

Kicked dog dishes

Crawls out from under,

Scrubbed raw--

If only we saw

The wood grain

Under our plates and

Our feet.

V.

Chimney sweep.

Can't keep,

Can't sleep while

Embers breathe.

Over-steeped tea,

Over-slept, we

Stepped over

Pastures green,

Grey sky.

Burning leaves dry,

Sparks float up,

Grounded by

Wood-chopping dreams.

Struck

Broken bird,
Slowly taken
Soft susurrations
Blown at me:
A chance to see
The strength, the soil.

Barefoot in Hammocks

I finally found a rock for the little metal sisyphus you gave to me. It sits on my desk like the sun is now sitting in its noontime cradle. And it's been quite a while since that summer, I know, but every now and then I think of you and those days. That night in your room in the midst of our high I told you that these times with you have been like strange dreams, and as I lay on my back in the dark I wrote the words "mysterious and wonderful" with a sharpie on the wooden chest by your bed, upside down, in all caps, an exclamation and also a question.

Since those days we've both been looking for more-infinite spirals, you in your way and I in mine. But as I look at the little box you made me, it suddenly occurs to me that the short length of hair caught in the glue on the inside that I've always tried to remove, you might have left there on purpose, and if so, for that I thank you dearly. And if not, then hey, whatever, never mind. Anyways, anyways, my friend, my friend, what I'm saying is this, like I've told you before: I hope that you're happy and safe and warm, wherever you are, you bright burning star.

(6/13/2011)

Extra

jester!
humor!
keeper!
blister!
.... the momentary incisors ....
tricksters!
calculators!
opposite day it's not opposite day!
(awoke in a stupor)
to whom it may concern:
stop talking.
butcher!
encroaching on distant stars!
trapper!
enwrapper, unwelcome!
silence, fool,
I don't suppose so.


(10/29/2010)

Just now, for some reason:

.and since I met you I've been wondering who you are and.

.break my tongue and wax the moon is shines a coil of.

.brusque bones, a firm nose stripped and included

who are you?

Are you an assured chariot?

Are you a sunken ship for assail?

Are you numb and bored and dumb and

hordes of thumbs pointing every which way?

.don't

make me look and look again, please.

Fuck it all regardless ya know?

Fuck it all.

Fuck it all.